Graceful Ending
by hlou14
Summary: Nothing mattered now. My life was over." Bella is in agony after Edward leaves. Certain events take place that determine her destiny. What happens when Halloween turns ugly and the canteen leaves her on the floor? Set during the missing months in New Moon
1. Emptiness

Ch.1-October.

Empty. Hollow. Bereft.

The list of words that would describe how I felt was endless.

I went to bed last night, subconsciously, after so many hours of withdrawing from the world of reminiscing, and had cried myself to sleep.

Reluctance washed through me as I regained consciousness. I was aware of the pillow on my cheek, soft, but never as soft as...I couldn't even think about it. As this memory surfaced, after many attempts at locking it away, it stung me - pierced my heart, as if a great knife of painful emotion was being plunged deep into my chest. This shocked me and almost instinctively, I curled into a fetal postion, desperately willing the hurt to subside. Edward's absence in my life had left a gaping hole where my soul had been and I no reason or means by which to fill it. I didn't want to fill it. Our love had binded us togther and now it had torn me apart. I hadn't realised how strong my feelings for him had been until they were shatterd. Destroyed. My eyes became damp again and I found myself crying helplessly over my love and his sudden flight.

I was not aware of much but myself and my thoughts as I lay there. I could feel my chest rising and falling sharply, heaving swiftly as I sobbed, and the growing damp of the pillow on my face. I heard my cries, muffled by the duvet, but prominent in my small room. Nothing else. My mind occupied the space left over for taking in what else was there. My despairing, endless thoughts took control of my head as I wallowed in my sorrow. My heart had been broken and I knew that there was no way that it would heal. Damaged beyond repair.

I didn't know how long I layed there. It could've been minutes or hours. It could've been days for all I knew but I didn't care. I didn't care when my stomach growled impatiently. I didn't care when I needed to relieve myself. I didn't even care when Charlie knocked on the door to let me know he was going out. Nothing mattered now. My life was over.

I went to bed on the 3rd of October. I awoke two and a half days later to a different landscape. It had snowed for the whole two days of my 'living death' and now a fluffy white carpet enveloped the small town of Forks and the forest that surrounded it.

The last time it had snowed was a couple of weeks or so after I had first arrived and there was a snow fight in the school parking lot. I remember Mike approaching Jessica and I in the canteen that afternoon, his hair sopping and a maniacal grin spread across his face. That was one of the first days that I spoke to Edward Cullen properly for the first time. I hadn't known his secret then. When everything was simple and life was boring.

He had looked so beautiful that afternoon in the lunch hall, with his family. My friends. His hair shimmered and shined in the faint white light that radiated in from outside. His flawless, pale skin radiated a faint glow and his rows of perfect white teeth were exposed to the world, his lips pulled back into a joyous smile. Wondrously amazing.

But this time the snow lay dull and flat in colour and effect. The mounds that lay beneath the snow no longer expanded the mind as they did when Edward was around. The icicles on the trees no longer shimmered with the mystical glow s they did when the Cullens were are part of my life.

But I lie. The Cullens will forever be a part of my life, even though I may not participate in their's.

My love for Alice, Esme, Carlisle, Jasper, Emmett and even Rosalie would never subside, as long I will ever live. Or not. My affection for the vampire family that had taken me in and adopted me as a daughter, a sister and a best friend will always have a place in my mind, body and soul.

Alice, my best friend, my sister, who loved me through and through, regardless of all my flaws and reluctance to shop, who was always there for when I needed her - in times of good and bad - would always hold second in my heart.

Carlisle, a father to me, the man that saved my life not three months ago, was my hero, my saviour, and I would never forget the blessing of a man that I have had the priveledge to live, laugh and love with, would never leave me. Metaphorically.

And Esme, my adopted mother, Jasper, my god-given friend, Emmett, my personal joke-book and embarrassor and Rosalie, who has never liked me, but still, will all hold places within me.

There is one person though, that will cease to leave me, even when I have been buried and decayed away to just my bone, even when I have moved on to the next life, or whatever there is to expect after this world, and that person is the love of my life. Edward - my soul mate, best friend, true love, could never depart me. He was then one reason that I am still here today, and will be for when he decides to return, if ever. he hold me together and is the sole escuse for my existence. If he were not here, mentally, I would never have been here to begin with. I would've been an empty sheel, a nothing if it weren't for Edward.

But would he ever return?

I recall his saying to me that he was a heroin addict and I was his 'exact brand of heroin'. But people can come off these drugs, with a lot of help, yeah, but it is possible. So what if Edward comes off me?

At the thought of this happening, another pain surged right through my weary chest, and I gasped in pain. The knfe surged deeper this time, close to emerging out the other side of my body completely and I grabbed my body in agony and proceeded to curl up.

I was defenseless. It seemed his being gone was going to make this pain more and more unbearable.

Defeated, I curled up in a ball and let the tears of my heart spill over my cheeks from beneath my closed eyelids.


	2. A Burial

Ch.2-October

Weeks passed, and I found myself sleeping more and more. It was probably all the crying. I was emotionally drained. Completely exhausted, and as I let my needs get the better of me, I felt reality slip further and further out of reach. Charlie only spoke to me once or twice a day now - he spent most of the working week out on patrol at work and I don't blame him really. My being low was dragging the rest of the house and everyone else down with me.

I wouldn't speak to Jessica when she turned up at my door, wondering if I wanted to go to Port Angeles with her and Mike. I wouldn't speak to Angela when she called about homework. I was a drag. At least I wasn't at school. But that wasn't to be for much longer.

Half-term had passed slowly. With no-one to talk to and nothing to do but mope, I plunged ever-deeper into my growing pool of helpless despair. I had taken to reminiscing in my bedroom, so as not to pain Charlie when he was around, but my presence still cast an air of gloom over the house.

Those times when I did emerge, gasping for air, I would just remind myself of those whom I loved - and the darkness would pull me under again.

I had started dreaming at night, the same dream over and over, and it suffocated me. I dreamt my life had become an endless tunnel of hopelessness and pain in which I chased a light. The light of my Edward, glowing like an angel. His beauty, that ceased to dazzle me, was now a radiant ring of light, emitted from the inner core of his soul. I was like a moth to a lamp. I ran for the light, blundering noiselessly and groping at the air. I stumbled helplessly in my attempts to reach my haven. But Edward did not come. He did not catch me when I fell, as he would do before, and I realised that he wasn't ever coming back. Not now, not ever. As this thought rooted itself into my mind, infecting every memory stored there, the Bella in the dream grew weak, and fell, exhausted, to the cold, hard floor of the tunnel. This did not affect me in the way it should.

The fifth night of suffering this dream, I awoke in absurd pain. A shocking stab of emotion and remembrance shot through my weary body, causing me to convulse in upset and hurt. This sudden discomfort confused me. I had had this same dream for the past four nightsnow, and although nothing had changed, something had pulled at the strings of my memories to cause this sudden reaction. I ran over the dream, reluctantly, in my head. I reached the moment at which I fell. And hit...The. Cold. Hard. Floor.

Something was pulling at me, tugging at my legs, as I coughed and spluttered, barely keeping my head above the surface. A wave of emotion crashed over my head and I gave way to the force pulling me strengthlessly to the bottom of my despair.

I had realised why these stabs of pain were acting on me, frequently and from nowhere, supposedly. These torturous twinges caused my chest to throb every time I thought of Edward.

Ow. And yet deeper.

That's when I decided that I must bury my memories of Edward and try not to think of objects, places, people, that remided me of him.

I whispered steadily into the cool air "I love you Edward, but I'm going to have to let you go. I love you. Forever."

And that's what I did. I let my love go and buried my life. Just like he did when he left me. I would forget Edward Cullen was never here and that it was all just a dream. A long, perfect dream in which Edward Cullen played a part on every page of the story.

I didn't realise that I was crying again until I opened my eyes to stare at the ceiling and found that the bleak scene before me was blurred beyond recognition. I turned over in my despair and plunged my face into the tear-streaked pillow, smothering my irrevocable sobs.

That's when I buried Edward Cullen.


	3. Destruction

Ch3. November.

The last few weeks had passed in a blur of drab colour and muffled emotions. Hallowe'en had come and gone but I couldn't forget what had happened.

At around half past eight that night, I heard a knock at the door. Approaching the door, I grabbed the bowl of sweets. I could hear the softened giggles of the small children waiting outside. Charlie had gotten up and stood by the living room door to watch.

I opened the door. I could do nothing else as I caught sight of the children in costumes waiting on the doorstep. I saw the small boy at the front of the group smiling and froze. his bronze hair was effortlessly touseled and wavy and hs pale skin seemed to glow in the light from within the house. His mouth was stretched wide into a grin, revealing rows of perfect, white teeth. And then I saw his costume. Black trousers, t-shirt and cape. All ordinary enough. but these were paired with fake blood and plastic fangs. Vampire fangs.

I dropped the bowl, spilling confectionery across the ground and my feet. Charlie hurried over to apologize to the children and to pick up the sweets as I stared, heart breaking, at the boy with the bronze hair.

A wall of emotions slammed into me, full force, and I ran to my truck, tears streaming endlessly down my face. I yanked the door open, jumped in and pulled the door closed behind me. The night was cold, and I shivered as I curled up on the front seat. Hugging my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around my shins, I rocked backward and forward and shook my head in desparation. How could one small boy provoke so much pain and torment that overwhelmed me now?

It took me at least ten long minutes of pain to overcome the attack on my heart and then another five for my breathing to steady itself enough for me to be able to sit up. I hunched over the wheel, still clutching my stomach in despised agony and tried, desperately to shut away the part of my memory that provoked these literally gut-wrenching thoughts of hope and desperation.

I successfully manouevred myself out of the truck and up the driveway to the porch though hunched-over all the way. I eased myself out of the awkward position while still standing on the porch, so as to not make Charlie too worried. I guessed that he could figure it out already, but I really didn't want to give away how much pain I was actually in.

I opened the front door, stepped inside cautiously and took a deep breath in through my nose. I was greeted by the familiar sound of a match on the television in the front room.

My eyes were still wet as I climbed the stairs and pushed ope the door to my room. I sat down slowly on my bed, pushed myself back to lean against the headboard and pulled my legs up to hug them, absently. I gazed round the room, speculating, and was - not shocked, but...upset - at how empty it had become. The ancient computer in the corner gathered dust, as did the rocking chair in the adjacent corner. The window that 'he' would climb effortlessly through every night had not been opened for a month. The stack of CDs on the floor beside my desk has also attracted a thin layer of dust due to lack of use.

It was at the sight of the CDs that I grew angry and upset at myself for not listening. Not listeing to him when he warned me. His warnings that so frequently confused me and contradicted his actions. I should've listened. I should've adhered to his warning that becoming friend with him would do me no good. He was right all along. Of course he was. We had fallen in love, hopelessly in love, and now here I was, after his departure- having to hold myself together. I was falling apart and there was no way I would ever heal from this pain and torture. My heart was breaking.

I walked over to the CDs and glanced at the top one. It was Mozart. A searing pain shot through my abdomen, forcing me to my knees on the ground beside the stack of music. Distraught, I flung my hand out and swiped at the CDs next to me, knocking them to the floor and sending a few across the floorboards to lay still, scratched, beneath the chair. One flew across the room, smashing into the door and snapping clean in two. The pain flared.

It was then that I started grabbing the various cases around me and breaking each one. Music was what he had loved the most - besides myself - and I would do anything to have my mind rid of any traces of him or his interests.

I finished with the CD from Phil that I listened to during my times of confusion. This one shattered into a hundred pieces and each one glimmered and sparkled in the light. Could I do anything without it hurting me any more?

I lay on the floor in a pool of misery, never intending to emerge, or even come up for air. I was drowing in my own sorrow and wanted to do nothing about it.


	4. A Thousand Eyes

Ch4. November.

The effect Hallowe'en had on me was devastating. I hit an all-time low.

The kids at school were talking about another trip to La Push, but I felt inclined not to go. I may be depressed but I'm not that mean. I didn't want to go and make their day hell. I'd rather stay home and wallow in my own misery.

I told them that I just wasn't feeling up to it when they invited me a week later. Ha. Bet that made Lauren happy. I could tell by the smirk on her sour face that she didn't feel bad at all.

Avoiding my pain at school was hard. Worse than Hallowe'en.

At home I could at least _try _to distract myself, maybe by writing to Renee, or doing homework, but at school I still had to walk into the canteen every day and see their empty table. No-one sat there, even when they were gone for good. I wondered why.

One afternoon in late November, I quenched my thirst for reason.

I did the same as I did every day- walked in with Mike and Jessica and went straight to the food queue. I would buy myself an apple and a sandwich if I was hungry, but it was usually just a soda. This day, I told Mike to go on without me- I'd catch them up, I said, I needed to talk to the teacher. When I finally left the classroom, the halls were nearly empty. I walked slowly to the canteen, pacing my heart and steadying my breathing. Anyone who saw me then probably thought I was mad. They were probably right.

I entered the crowded, noisy lunch hall. The people waiting at my usual table waved and I nodded in return. I decided not to get anything today. I felt sick. Sick with nerves and sick with the thought of what I was about to do. I also felt sick at myself for being so stupid. Why was I doing this when I knew that all it would do would cause me pain? I would fall to the floor clutching at my chest in front of the whole school. What would they do then? Call the hospital? Carlisle wasn't there to save me now.

As I moved slowly between the tables, I passed my group of friends. They all had the kind of look on their faces as if to say, What the hell?! I didn't pay attention to this.

I paced steadily towards the back of the canteen, turning quite a few heads as I went. No-one sat over here, not since the Cullens left, so what was she doing now?

I reached the dark corner of the room. I was stood about five metres from the table and it's five chairs. It might just've been me, but I could've sworn the air was colder here. A slight twinge in my stomach caused me to wince in pain, but I did not give in. Not yet.

I took three steps slowly towards the nearest chair and paused. The whole canteen had hushed to a slight murmur, a buzz in the background, all eyes on the Chief's demented daughter.

I moved then, sending a whisper through the crowd. Circling the table slowly, I ended up standing behind the chair where Edward routinely sat, day after day after day. Well, used to.

Taking a small step forward and reaching my hand out, I gripped the back of the chair, the cold metal sending tingles of desperation up my arm. I pulled the chair out and sat down. I dropped my bag to the floor and allowed myself to slump onto the table.

The room murmured expectantly. I wonder what they thought I would do next? Scream at the table and kick the chairs over, then run from the room yelling like a lunatic? Possibly. Start crying and fall to the floor? It was inevitable.

I felt my eyes begin to well up and my throat thicken. The mass of bodies and eyes before me turned into a blur. I laid my head down on the table and let the tears escape. My body shook uncontrollably with my sobs of agony.

The only thing I could hear was the sound of my cries as I sat there. Cries for myself. Cries for Alice and her tinkling laugh. Cries for Jasper and his comfort. Cries for Emmett and the way he made me laugh. Cries for Esme and her love for everyone. Cries for Carlisle and his help and trust. Cries even for Rosalie and her beauty that overwhelmed me. But most of all, cries for Edward. My Edward. My love. The one and only person I have ever and will ever love. I cried for his touch, his smooth, marble touch-cold as ice yet so warm. I cried for his voice, the voice like honey that penetrated me- a voice that could melt ice. I cried for his laugh, his laugh that sounded as if it were composed by angels. I cried for his smile, my favourite, crooked smile that I adored. Mostly, I cried for his love, the love for me that I would never understand, yet always return. His love, that warmed and softened me to the core and made me whole again. His love that now...was not here. And never would be again.

The knife deeped further still and twisted inside me. Back and forth. The pain was unbearable.

I fell to the floor, as I knew I would- it was unavoidable- and transformed into the burning girl that I so desperately tried to hide.

I shivered, not from the cold, but the floor itself was closer to his touch than anything else would ever be. Smooth and cold. I hiccoughed as I cried now, my sobs becoming faster and faster, shallow and rapid.

I could hear them talking now, frantically, though no-one approached me. Then I felt a soft, warm something on my shoulder- a hand- and heard a voice, clearer than the others.

Angela had come over to comfort me. She sat down on the floor next to me and took my frozen hands in hers. Sitting me upright and hushing sweet reassurances to me, just for my ears, she placed her arms around me and laid my head on her shoulder.

I cried harder now, tears streaming down my already wet cheeks and onto her shoulder. Her top was getting wet but she didn't care. Angela sat there, with my head now in her lap, stroking my hair- a familiar, soothing feeling.

We rocked back and forth for an eternity while we waited for my sobs to cease and for my breathing to slow. As we did, it felt like we were the only people in the world.

It felt nice.

I realised then how important my forgetting Edward was.

If I didn't take his advice and try to forget him, I would never be able to live again. I would just be the broken-hearted human girl in love with the heart-breaking immortal who would never return. Never.

If I didn't listen to him for the second time, I would remain forever trapped in a world of misery.

I dreamt that night that it was like I was laying on a beach and the ocean that progressed slowly towards me was one of hopelessness and despair. The tide was coming in, slowly for now. But I lay there still, absorbed with my world of the supernatural, Edward and the Cullens. But then they were all gone, and the tide moved quicker. I refused to forget the dreamworld and the water began to lap at my toes and lick at my feet. The water burned. I tried to move my feet out of its way, but I was stuck, trapped by my memories, unable to forget. The more I got myself lost in this world, the faster the tide progressed up the beach, and up around my body.

The water reached my knees and I writhed in pain but did not call out. It crawled further, faster. My hips. My waist. My chest. At this point it was unbearable and I tried to scream but the water swirled its way up the sand and into my mouth. I choked and spluttered- the acid water blocked my airways. I couldn't turn over to get rid of it- I had no choice but to swallow.

The water sent a trail of flames down my throat and my mouth was ablaze as air took the place of the water that now burned in my stomach. Waves crashed over my body as I lay, helpless, in their path of destruction. My eyes were doused in the liquid that tore at me from the inside, and my legs were raw with pain. Unendurable was an understatement.

And then, as if by magic, there was no burning, no rawness, no whoosing of poison water in my ears. I felt the refreshing air across my skin and in my lungs. I opened my eyes. The world before me was one of sparkling brilliance.

I was dead.


	5. Realisation

Ch5. November.

The dreams occurred every night, making it diffucult and painful to sleep. As it played over and over in my mind, I could physically feel the burning and searing heat soar throughout my body. My arms and legs would ache when I woke up, the dream playing tricks on my mind. The problem was that I couldn't distiguish between the dreams and real life. Each pain was just as bad as the other. There was no point in the day that I could escape my torment and now there was no relief from sleep. My life was hell.

Guy Fawkes night had come and gone in a blaze of fireworks and bonfires. Charlie was out on duty on the nights before during and after the event, so I regularly had the house to myself.

I sat alone in my room, with bangs and crackles sounding around the house that disturbed the usual silence of the night, speculating on life at the moment.

The next morning was much the same as any other. Thoughts swirled round and rund my head, engulfing my mind and numbing my pain, for the time being.

Get a grip, I told myself. If you don't hurry up and get a hold on life everyone will have moved on and you'll be left stranded, hurrying to pick up the pieces of your broken heart alone, I continued.

I decided to take my own advice, and get out and do something, no matter how late it was.

I dressed quickly, unusually eager to get out of the house- the dull prison that I trapped myself in by choice. When done, I ran downstairs and rushed down a bowl of tasteless cereal.

Hurrying to my truck, I almost forgot to lock the door-Charlie was out fishing again. I sped down the driveway, forgetting about the thin layer of ice that covered the floor like icing on a cake, and slipped over.

I fell sideways, whacking my head on the hard edge of my truck and then on the cold floor. The pain was familiar- I recognised it from when Tyler's van almost killed me, and when Edward pulled me out of it's way.

Ouch. Another knife had been added this time, progressing on the orginal pain. I writhed in agony on the frozen floor, oblivious to the cold, moaning out loud. I sat still, willing the stabs to subside, and they did.

The floor was becoming a familiar and almost comforting place to me now. I didn't mind the cold either- it was just the pains of past memories that bothered me.

As I sat there it started raining. Great, just great. I was soaked through by the time I had decided to return indoors, and even then it took me another ten minutes to muster up the strength, emotionally, to abandon my plan and retire to my bedroom for another, long day.

The next few weeks were much like the last: faint stabs of emotion every day, and the odd flash of fire across my nightmares. The dreams continued.

I found it hard to walk now. I was always becoming light-headed and dizzy, usually grabbing onto the nearest thing, being a person or an object, I didn't care, to steady myself. Maybe it was because I was so used to spending most of my time curled up on the floor. It was so far up when I stood upright.

Rain continued to blast the town from all angles, as usual- occaisionally turning to sleet, but never snow. This was what I hated most of all about the weather in Forks. It never made it's mind up.

I remembered back to my first week in Forks, living with Charlie that is, just one year ago. The moment I arrived it was raining, and continued to do so for the next few weeks. On and off. Off and on. It never stopped.

School was dragging me down. After my show of emotion in the canteen that day, everyone I passed in the halls gave me despairing looks, as if they pitied me. Random people would come up to me, put an arm around my shoulder and tell me that it would be okay.

I knew that it wouldn't. No matter how hard I tried to believe what they were saying, I still couldn't get to grips with the thought of it. I tried hard. Really hard. I was desperate.

I would thank them for their consideration and go along my way, my weak heart aching from what they had said. The stranger's' words pierced the very core of my soul, leaving a wide, gaping hole. No one would ever understand how much pain I was in right now. If they did, they wouldn't be talking to me about 'them'.

I sucked in a breath through my teeth. Aaaaaah. The pain was blinding. My vision blurred and I slammed into a locker, my shoulder catching on the lock. I didn't feel this pain- it was nothing compared to what blazed inside me.

I closed my eyes and eased back against the wall of metal doors, slowly sliding to the floor. I leant my head back and urged for the pain to go away.

It was the last time I would feel that pain in a long time, though I did not know it then.

I had finally let go. I had finally understood Edward and his warnings- a year too late. The hurt slowly ebbed away and I could relax.

My muscles released their stone hold and I sunk into the floor.

Peace of mind. At last.


	6. A Searing Torture

Ch6. December.

My mind may have been cleared of its troubles, but that didn't cease my moping.

The arrival of early December brought with it more snow, thicker and fluffier this time. The morning of the seventh, a Saturday, I stood outside in my parka and boots and gazed up at the sky. I don't know how long I stood there, but it was enough time for small flakes of snow to begin to fall and settle around me- in my hair, on my shoulders and on the toes of my boots.

As I watched it fall, I thought. I thought about Charlie and I thought about Angela. I thought about Mike and Jessica, and I thought about Eric. They had all been so kind and supportive throughout my struggles and I had not acknowledged this until now.

I decided that I would somehow return their kindness. I had no clue as to what this would involve or how I would do it, but I knew I must.

An icy numbness had crept slowly through my toes and up my hands before I went inside. The cold of the day had taken its toll. I decided I would do my homework. I had an English paper due in on Tuesday and I had nothing else to do.

As I sat at my desk, poring over the Shakespeare paper in front of me that I was paying no attention to, I thought, for the first time without it hurting, about...Edward. My abdomen stung when I thought his name, but did not burst into flames of agony, as it did before. I thought about his face. His pale, flawless face I had stared at in awe so many times. The face that dazzled me despite having been in front of me for goodness knows how long. Its beauty never ceased to amaze me. I thought about his smell, the sweet smell that drew me in and sent my head reeling. I thought about his voice. Smooth and melting as it flowed though my ears. The voice that reached my ears and captured my attention no matter how quiet and soft or loud and alarming. He could be on the other side of the globe and I would hear his voice, clear as if he were right next to me. Mostly, I thought about his eyes that fluctuated in colour and smouldered, dazzling me by far the most. Black and penetrating when hungry, his eyes would chill my core, though they attracted me in strange and dangerous ways. They had portrayed a clear message that first day in biology – stay away. But I had refused and fell in love regardless. Then the next time I had seen him, the eyes were light golden butterscotch and had melted me, inside to out. They had warmed my soul and sent a fire through my heart that I had never felt before. The fire of love. Irrevocable love. I had known that day that I would never be able to stay away from him.

Back to the paper. I looked down, dumbstruck. I had completely forgotten where I was and what I was doing. I re-read what I had previously written and then realised that I had no idea what I was eve writing the paper on. I took out the book from my bag and read the title. Romeo and Juliet.

The now-familiar pain seared through my chest, threatening to rip my heart out and kill my soul. Utter agony. I clamped my hands across my body, trying to hold myself in but, for once, it did not work. I fell to the floor and screamed in pain. Tears flowed, unstoppable, down my face and onto the cold floorboards. I writhed and moaned – I was being tortured by the memory of the one person I have, still and will ever love.

He used to swear that he was dangerous and could kill me with just one tiny flinch of his self-preservation, but I had always contradicted what he had said. I knew that he would never be able to hurt me because it would kill him. He knew that too, but he would always swear that he was a monster and was the most dangerous thing for me. The reason why he left. But little did he know that leaving me was the worst thing he could ever do. I was in more pain now that I would ever be again. I would rather him drink my blood than leave me. He would never know how much torment I was going through. I had to end it.


	7. The End Of Eternity

Ch7. December.

"We are here to celebrate the life of Isabella Swan, beloved daughter of Charles Swan and Renee Dwyer, cherished friend and girlfriend."  
People would cry. Maybe they would wear black. No. I didn't want them to.  
"Bella was a beautiful girl. Adored and known by many. Her life was a wonderful thing, if short."

It would continue in the same tone. The priest would bless everyone at the end. He would go on and on to anyone who would listen about how I had gone to a better place and am happy now.

I will never be happy again and I would never be in a god place. I would be in Hell. If that's where Edward believes he is going, then I must go and wait for him there.

I mustn't think about what I'm going to do. I told myself that as I wrote the note to Charlie. He was out fishing again, oblivious of the fact that his only daughter will be dead soon. I'm going to break his heart. He will then know how unhappy and heartbroken I actually am.

It'll all be over soon. I thought that over and over as I walked to my truck, started it and drove towards the meadow, _our meadow. _I could faintly remember there being a ledge of rock at the edge of the circular field of grass that Edward and I spent our time in that particular Saturday. I was pretty sure that it was a straight drop down onto a patch of jagged rocks in the forest below.

"Teen Girl Found Dead in Paradise." the headlines would say. Or maybe just "Girl's Suicide Leaves Forks Distraught."

I wouldn't know though. I would be long gone by then. I would finally be with Edward again. We would be together at last.

I turned off the main road and onto a short mud track. This was where he pressed me against my car and we first kissed. I could never forget the electricity that shot through us both when our lips touched. It was glorifying.

I pulled up and got slowly out of the truck. I took one last glimpse of my red Chevy as I walked towards the entrance to the forest. It would be the last thing I would see that reminded me of home.

It didn't take me as long as I thought it would to make my way through the trees and into the wide open space that I knew so well and remembered so vividly. The day was sunny, despite it being winter, and I thought I saw a faint sparkle up near the hill where he showed me what his skin did in sunlight. I was going mad.

As I made my way steadily across the meadow, I reminded myself of the reasons why I was doing this. To spare Charlie from my unpleasant moods and general moping. To save everyone from a Bella that was no longer herself. To leave Jacob and let him find someone who would love him properly. And to be with Edward. I knew that I was being selfish; there was something at the back of my brain that told me this as I stood at the edge of the outcrop of rock, looking down at the jagged floor below. I knew this, but I couldn't think of anyone or anything else as I thought of joining him for eternity- like I always swore I would.

I sat down, surprised that I hadn't slipped and ended my life already, and stared out across the treetops. A blanket of green that shielded the floor and the animals that lived there from danger above. Rain, that was so frequent in this small place on earth, was let through this blanket, drop by drop. No I came to think about it, the canopy must be strong, but everything got through in the end.

I had not a clue why I was thinking this, but it calmed me and prepared me for my fall. The fall that would take me beyond the ground, further and further down- all the way to Hell.

I stood up, my legs strong, and placed my feet together at the very tip of the ledge. A slight breeze swept my hair up and around my face, a soothing feeling. I felt like I was in heaven- I place I didn't want to be.

As I rocked on the balls of my feet, rocking backwards and forwards as if between life and death, I whispered to the sun-warmed air.

"I love you Edward Cullen. I love you and will never forget you. I will always be with you. I love you Edward Cullen. Forgive me."

With that I took the furthest rock forward yet, though still not far enough to send me tumbling down to my death below. As I swayed forward on this rock, a peculiar thing happened. A loud cry of "No!" sounded throughout my head, as clear as if the person was standing right next to me. I recognised the voice so clearly that my eyes snapped open and searched the horizon for any trace of him. Edward's voice, so clear now, penetrated me to the core and I froze solid though still swaying. As soon as I had heard it, the sudden shout had faded away, leaving just the echo behind in my head; only I could hear it.

It was upon hearing his voice, though unexpected, that I made up my mind. I would do it.

I realised that in my shock, I had absent-mindedly taken a step back from the ledge. I know stood around a metre from the edge of my life.

I stepped back up the edge but turned back again. I walked a couple of metres away from the outcrop of rack and sat down on the grass.

The day was warm; warm enough to not need a jacket so I removed my parka (I had put it on suspiciously this morning) and placed it neatly onto the grass beside me. I was pleased that I had chosen to wear Edward's favourite blue shirt, the one I wore the night I found out that he was a vampire. At least he would know that I thought of him still...if he ever found out. I then removed my boots and socks, also placing them to my side. I removed the barrette that held half my hair in lace at the back of my head, and let my hair down, free to do whatever it pleased. I was ready.

I stood up, content. I walked slowly to the rocks again and took up my previous stance. Backwards, forwards, backwards and forwards again. I rocked silently, steadily for what felt like minutes. I whispered to the sky again, the mountains, the trees. To him.

"I love you Edward."

And with that, I let myself rock forward and glide senselessly through the air. I pivoted on the ball of my foot, just as I left the ground, and faced the sky. I fell, graceful for the first time in my life, and smiled. Peace at last. My life was nearly over and I would be with Edward soon.

There was something in the back of my mind that knew I was going the hit the ground, and soon. I didn't pay attention.

As I fell, arms outstretched, I murmured to myself.

"Edward..."

The ground came closer and closer, but the wait for death felt like an eternity. Five metres, three metres, one metre, ten inches, 5 inches, two inches...

I hit the ground, but I didn't feel it. I was with Edward. With the one I loved. For the rest of eternity...

**Thank you for all your reviews. I have changed the summary to fit the story line. I hope you like it. My heart was beating so fast as I wrote this last section, I got really into it! Thank you again and great thanks to Stephenie Meyer, without whom, I would never have been able to write this, or anything for that matter. She is my heroine and inspiration and I love her so much for her amazing books and mind. Thank you x.**


	8. Author's Note: Requests and End

To anyone who has read or is reading or will read this story:

I am looking to write another story but I have no ideas...

If you have an idea and would either like me to write a story for you or co-write with you then I would be more than happy to do that!

I would also like to Beta some/any stories so if you have a story that you want help with/an opinion on then message me or comment me.

Thanks guys. 

And while I'm writing this, if any of you have been reading Duct Tape, Rope and Tomato Sauce, I am really, really, sorry, but this story will be discontinued. We are really preoccupied at moment and have no time. 

We may continue on with it at a later date but at the moment it is being left as it is.

Thanks.

Hannah.


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